Sexy Dark Chocolate

Brand: Newtree
Primary Ingredients: ginger, dark chocolate, guarana
Cacao: 73%
Cacao source: Not Specified
Purchased: World Market
Price: $2.79 at Newtree.com for a .95 oz (27g) box

Before eating: I’ve had Newtree bars before, but I can’t remember if I’ve had “Sexy” in particular. I decided to write about “sexy” today though because I want to know if it really makes one feel sexy. Or do they mean horny? Because, honestly, I’m not really either right now, but I would love to know if it does either. Also, it’s supposed to be “energizing”, which I also always need (not a big coffee fan, and I’m immune to caffiene in sodas).

To eat this right I’ve taken note of the extensive “how to eat chocolate” section of newtree.com . Apparently I’ve been doing it all wrong over the years. Of their recomendations they say you should clean your palate with water or lemon juice first, and that chocolate should be consumed at room temperature. They also have an interesting list of chocolate pairing ideas, such as which wines and beers to eat with which chocolates, and how to eat chocolate with olive oil. At some point I will have to see how their chocolate matches with my beloved Belgian Framboise raspberry beer, but I think at the moment that would distract from my current mission -

Does this stuff actually make me feel sexier?

Ginger- is it an aphrodisiac?

Eating it: The package had three small bars, so I take one out of its wrapper and survey its surface for shininess. It is indeed very shiny, but quickly melting in my hand so I plop the whole thing in my mouth.

The chocolate is smooth and not very bitter for dark chocolate, and does not have a strong ginger taste. As I had expected, the ginger is more in the aftertaste than in the chocolate itself. There are small shavings of ginger interrupting its silkiness, but just enough for a very pleasant flavor.

To demonstrate the physical affects of the chocolate, I have prepared the following table, with everything on a scale of one to ten:

So, in summary, I think I felt a little sexier, but that may have just been a placebo effect. I definitely do feel happier and more energetic, but good chocolate does that. And the ginger taste stayed very, very mild, which is probably good for mass consumption but I personally would have wanted a bit more ginger.

B+ (good chocolate, but deductions for its misleading title and lack of sufficient ginger)

Mo’s Bacon Bar

Brand: Vosges Haute Chocolat
Primary Ingredients: applewood smoked bacon, alder wood smoked salt, “deeP’ milk chocolate
Cacao: 41%
Cacao source: Not specified
Purchased: World Market
Price: $7.50 at vosgeschocolates.com

Before eating: I’ve never had any Vosges chocolate before, but I’ve been very curious about it ever since I stumbled a very expensive set of chocolate-coated fire ants that they produce that I was unable to acquire. I think chocolate-coated fire ants might be my holy grail. Vosges has all sorts of weird stuff on their website, such as chocolate with hemp oil, or white chocolate with kalamata olives that are unavailable at World Market. If this bacon thing goes well I might get one of them.

Without having tasted it yet, I’m a bit nervous. When I first saw this in the store, I was admittedly a little grossed out. I mean, meat and chocolate? But the more I’ve thought about it, the more sense it makes. Bacon is basically the following flavors: salt, fat, sugar, smoke, and in this case, apple. And all of those things go pretty well with chocolate. So, in the end, I guess it’s not that much different from putting maple syrup on bacon, something I do all the time.

In fact, on the back of the packaging, there is a little short story from the inventor of chocolate bacon who explains that’s what got her into the whole combination at the tender age of 6. Then there’s directions for how I’m supposed to eat it:

"Breath... engage your 5 senses, close your eyes and inhale deeply.
Be in the present moment, notice the color of the chocolate, the glossy shine.
Rub your thumb over the chocolate bar to release the aromas of smoked
applewood bacon flirting with deep milk chocolate. Snap off just a tiny
piece and place it in your mouth, let the lust of salt and sweet coat your tongue."

Lust of salt and sweet? This better be good.

Bacon - is it as good with chocolate as it is with waffles?

Opening the package: looks like regular milk chocolate. Smells like it too. I’m trying to engage my five senses, like the back of the packaging is telling me to. It’s a bit shiny, and a bit melty at this point too. I rubbed my thumb over the chocolate but I’m still not smelling anything unusual. In my experience, though, flavors in chocolate usually present themselves as after-tastes, after I’ve eaten a far amount, getting progressively stronger. (As in, “Hey, this chocolate doesn’t taste like ginger! *eats a massive amount* Oooh.”)

Actually eating the damn thing: Shit there’s actually pieces of bacon in this thing! Tons of crunchy little bits of salty bacon, giving the bar an immediate bacony-ness. No waiting for the after taste in this. Yet, it’s still subtle and smooth. It’s not very salty, just enough, and it goes down very well. The after-taste is very pleasant, but not strongly pork-y. The chocolate is very, very good. I see why they opted for 44% cacao milk chocolate - anything more and it would be too bitter, while this is very sweet and goes down easy.

I gave some to my mom, just to make sure I’m not crazy in liking this stuff, and she agreed it was very, very good. Not too bacony, just crunchy and sweet and salty. I will definitely be getting this again at some point.

The verdict: A- (deduction for being so expensive)

When I lived in China for a year, getting a hold of foreign food was exceedingly difficult. In particular, chocolate was a rare comodity. Sure, lots of stores had things for sale that professed to be “cho-ke-li”, but they were usually brown-colored wax. Some places had dove bars, but they were very, very expensive (I ended up buying them anyway).

Ever since I’ve been back, I’ve been hyper appreciative of the real stuff. And increasingly, I’ve been trying different and exotic kinds of chocolate, learning about the differences in quality/location, and what weird-as-hell ingrediants taste really good in it. (Hint: Chocolate with sea salt is AMAZING. In particular when almonds are also involved.)

Thus, there I will document my experiences and adventures with chocolate. Not the normal stuff, but the kinds that are a bit more out-there. To start with, I will be reviewing a bar of bacon-flavored chocolate I am about to devour (assuming it’s edible- I haven’t actually tried it yet and it IS bacon-flavored).

So, enjoy!